The Bagel

So, at work we have one of those conveyor style toaster that escorts your bagel or a baked good of your choosing between two heating elements. I have the settings for the speed & heat perfected so that my bagels come out perfectly every time. Like I do every morning, I put my bagel in and go to fill my water bottle. I return to the toaster and find that this guy I hate* had put in an English muffin behind my bagel and had lowered all of the settings. I make a futile effort to return the dials to their original positions, but its too late.

So the bagel emerges, half of it toasted to heavenly perfection, the other half a spongy pale white disappointment. Now I have a dilemma…do I re-toast the bagel and attempt a bold maneuver with the heat controls in an effort to homogenize the Frankenbagel? I ultimately chose not to and, out of spite, I max out all the dials on the toaster (still housing his English muffin) and walk away. I now sit here munching on the bagel, experiencing moments of extreme delight, interspersed with moments of intense loathing.

* I detest this particular individual not solely as a result of this incident, but rather a long chain of similar instances that display his blatant disregard for his common man. I have been working in the same building for four years, and for those four years I’ve been both a victim and a witness to this guy’s rude and inconsiderate behavior. He routinely fails to acknowledge people when they say ‘hi’ or hold doors, never holds doors for others, cuts in line, and is a general douche bag. The fact that he’d choose an English muffin over a bagel only serves to contribute to my lowly estimation of him. I have no idea what his name is or what department he works in, and nor do I care to.